Fuck It – I Quit (a Tuscan catharsis haibun)

Destination: Tranquility. I didn’t go in search of it, but I found tranquility in the gentle rolling hills of Tuscany. Or more correctly – tranquility found me, as I was somewhat lost beforehand. I knew there was an ache in my life, but I never realized how strongly it possessed me, or the relief that a Tuscan catharsis would deliver once the ache was vanquished.

Two years prior, I sold my publishing company to a firm that was 100 times larger. Despite the size difference, I brought something to the table they desired but didn’t have – the knowledge and experience of creating and running a successful newsletter publishing enterprise for more than 20 years. I became their employee as part of the deal, although it turned out to be more akin to indentured servitude. Instead of adopting (or even considering) any methods of proven success or industry standard practice, they required that I adhere to their failed methodology. “You have to accept and learn our way of doing business” was the mantra force-fed to me. Within a year, my publications were a mere shell of their former selves. Within two years, they were destroyed. I involuntarily watched this slow-motion train wreck, having been stripped of any ability to rescue them.

Frustration abounds
Witnessing my work’s demise
Heartache grows within

There’s nothing quite like the vistas of Tuscany to instill insight to what is important in life. It was day seven of our 21-day vacation in Italy, a length of time much too short I might add. We checked out of our b&b villa in Rome that morning and stopped for lunch in Civita di Bagnoregio, probably our favorite village in all of Italy (but that’s a story for another day). Arriving in Fizzano, I could sense my heart slowing down and my blood pressure dropping, as a welcoming calm enveloped me.

It was our second day in Fizzano, and our eyes were feasting on the beautiful Tuscan landscape before us. Everything was serene and tranquil. Like an epiphany, I was struck by the realization that this moment would last only as long as a cherry blossom unless I shed the unhealthy portions of my life. I turned to my wife and declared, “Fuck it, I’m going to quit when we get home.” She needed no further explanation. She knew exactly what I was talking about and gave me a warm embrace. For me, it was a totally cathartic experience.

Frustrations conquered
Cherry blossom life prolonged
Tuscan catharsis

Four years later, the tranquility that overtook my spirit upon arriving in Tuscany is now ingrained in my everyday life – the cherry blossom lives on. There is power in quitting, saying no, shedding frustrations, and giving the finger to the energy drainers in your life. I would love to return one day (to Tuscany – not to a tyrannical employment setting). The Tuscan hills were marvelous at rectifying my troubled spirit. Who knows what their elixirs can do for the mentally happy version of me. Thank you Tuscany, for saving me.

My middle finger
A fuck it I quit P.S.
Sanity restored

——

Pictures of and from Fizzano

Image credits: All photos taken by us in May 2017 except the aerial image from Riserva di Fizzano and the cherry blossom from Creative Commons.

Fizzano is an ancient medieval village, sitting on a hilltop in the heart of the Chianti Classico area. More than 1,000 years old, the first evidence of its existence dates back to 1007, when it was a site of a castle and a court. In the 15th century it became part of the Lega del Chianti. Following the numerous battles between Siena and Florence during the Middle Ages, the ancient castle and the court were destroyed. By 1817, all that remained of Fizzano was a farm, a farmhouse, two huts, and a chapel. The Rocca delle Macie winery bought the village in 1984 and converted it to a small but fabulous resort known as Riserva di Fizzano Relais.

HAIBUN (hie’-bun, the ”u” pronounced as in “put”) A Japanese form in which a prose text is interspersed with verse, specifically haiku (three lines containing a total of seventeen syllables). A haiku typically appears at the end of a haibun, but other haiku may appear earlier, even at the beginning. Haibun often takes the form of a diary or travel journal. — Definition from the poetry dictionary by John Drury.

Linked to dVerse Poets Pub – Haibun Monday: Cherry Blossoms, where today, Frank has challenged us to write a haibun that alludes to Cherry Blossoms (hatsu hana, sakura, or osozakura).