Fractured Proverbs (rejected by the editor)
You can lead a horse to water, but it would be easier to ride him there
You can’t fit a tetrahedron in a polynomial equation
Where there’s a will, there’s someone who knows they are mortal
When one door shuts, it sometimes locks you out
The proof of the pudding is dependent on the amount of rum added
People who live in glass houses should not walk around naked
No news is worrisome
The pen is mightier than the sword unless you’re in a street fight
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow
Money talks but seldom listens
Make hay while the tractor still has gas
It’s better to be safe than out
If you play with fire, you might be in the circus
If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, then the river probably won’t either
Half a loaf is better than seven sixteenths
Time and tide don’t wait for the traffic light to change
Every cloud has a silver lining, but the jeweler can’t make a ring from it
Don’t throw out the tub with the bathwater
Don’t count your chickens before the fox leaves the henhouse
Blood is redder than water
A ship in the harbor is safe, but one in dry dock is safer
A rolling stone goes where gravity takes it
——
Linked to dVerse Poets Pub — Poetics: The Proverbial, where Merril is hosting and prompted us to choose a proverb or a pair of proverbs. Use them as you wish—as an epigraph or within the poem. Be serious or funny.
Some of these made me laugh out loud. Good stuff!
It is a great day when I can make someone laugh.
Love this especially; “Every cloud has a silver living, but the jeweler can’t make a ring from it.”💝
It’s better to be safe than out. Oh my goodness, 😀
Time and tide wait for the proofreader.
Unfortunately, I could no longer afford my proofreader and had to let her go, so time and tide will be waiting a long time.
Hahaha, these are gold. Love this one especially for its dark humor:
“It’s better to be safe than out”
If I was drinking water when I read that, I probably would have spit it out from laughing. Great work here!
What good old-fashioned belly laughs. Thanks for this, Ron!!
I like how you had fun with the prompt, Ron. My fave is the one about clouds and silver linings.
It seems there are multiple interpretations of “It’s better to be safe than out”
1) COVID: safe indoors instead of outdoors in the pandemic
2) LGBTQ: safe in “the closest” instead of “out”
3) Baseball: safe at a base instead of being called out
4) Childhood: safe “coloring inside the lines” instead of “coloring outside the lines”
5) others?
Haha. A standing ovation to you, Sir, for giving me a good belly laugh today.
Fantabulous. Loved it all. Thanks so much.
Aww! These were great fun!
Love your fractured proverbs!!! Reminded of attending live performances in St. Paul MN / Garrison Keillor back in the day. He would have loved these too.
Ah, A Prairie Home Companion
For awhile, we listened to the show every Saturday night!
I love these Ron!
Still laughing, Ron! These are treasures.
So much fun, Ron! Thank you. You made me laugh–and think of Rocky and Bullwinkle’s “Fractured Fairy Tales.”
That’s were the idea for the title came from. My brother and I used to do Fractured Nursery Rhymes:
Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one and down he fell
Suffering minor injuries
(author unknown)
🤣
I think my favourite is the half loaf one – that one made me laugh out loud.
Thank you…that balances out my wife’s opinion of it being the worst.
This is absolutely fabulous, Ron! I love all the proverbs rewritten! Especially: “People who live in glass houses should not work the night shift.” 😀 Well done!